That censored word can go both ways. For me, it is "find". Yes, I know that it can be hard to digest with what I just said, but tonight, at this moment of grief, suffering, for the past few days, have nothing but complain, hatred, anger, shouting, crying for help...and at last, I am looking, Trusting, Seeking, Joy, midst my suffering and pain.
I am letting go. I am letting my God take the wheel, take control of my Life. Having faith. Who would in their right mind find Joy a midst their suffering? But for a Christian, only God's people would find Joy.
Come to fully understand that, Jesus trusted God. Jesus knew that God was able to do ANYTHING. TO save His life, to end His suffering, to end those countless lives that have betrayed our Lord and Saviour. And yet, a midst all these, Jesus understood He had to be there. He knew, it was His purpose. He knows that He had to die for us. He knew He was there because God wanted Him there. And yet, He was more than willing to let God continue His suffering...
Father, as I am where You want me to be, forgive me. Forgive me, that as a meek lamb, I have given up a long time ago. The moment I have felt tears in my cheeks, I have failed You. I want nothing more but out. But yet, since I know now that this is Your plan for me, this "place" where You want me to be, these pain and suffering that You set upon me, a midst ALL these, I thank You.
I thank You that, because this is Your will. Father, for as long as it takes, as hard as it can be, Father, let me experience this. I await the reward You have set before me as I go through the grace You have given me.
Father, I have nothing but praise for You. Father, nurture my speck size faith that it may grow as enormous as You want it to be, in Your perfect time, AMEN!
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